It's a quisi-supernatural story about a boy stumbling into Nazi limbo while walking his dog.
I'm looking for feedback on the ending, have I layered on the action a bit too much? Does the pay off feel satisfying. Also overall, did you like the story?
Hi all, I'd like to share a link to a sci-fi story I'm serialising called 'dydx.' It's a story set in a future that is not so distant as to be unrelatable or so close as to be unfeasible. It deals with themes around time, identity, faith and free will.
I'm 3 chapters in and the plan is for 14 chapters. I'd greatly appreciate any feedback or comments you can share. Feedback by email (caufskiviers@gmail.com) is also very welcome! Thanks.
I'm serializing my latest novel, "Imagine My Surprise!" It's well edited by now, but I'm still looking for ways to slim it down as it's pushing the dreaded (from a publisher's POV) 100K word mark. I've only serialized it through chapter 10 as of now (62 pages in). It's about a murdered criminal reincarnated fully conscious into a baby raised by a hapless millennial couple. My editor describes it as "Look Who's Talking" meets "Pulp Fiction". Enjoy!
Good point. I think really if it makes you want to read more about this setting. Does it seem believable, and does it seem different enough from the standard generic fantasy world?
I am intrigued by the character who appears to be some sort of body snatcher, I would read more about them. The story is a little too small scale to make me interested in the wider setting with different characters, not sure I'd be able to recognize it. The focus on bargains keeps it from being bland, feels focused on that element instead of placing in 'obligatory' fantasy elements.
Nothing pulled me out of the story or disturbed my suspension of disbelief.
Hello all. Here's a link to an excerpt from a wip called Scalewings. It's probably fantasy. I call it magic realism. It's part of a sequence about The Green Boy which makes up a story within a story in a much longer novel. A Splendid Breakfast is part of the framing of the story. There are other parts linked. They're in drafts because I'm not in the mood for hitting publish but I'd be glad of some criticism, or comment, on as many pieces as you can bring yourself to read.
Could really use the help with the proof-reading to make sure the grammar is right, and to see what people think of the story. Also will check other stories in the list starting tmw (it's late where I am).
This is very cool! Here's a short story I wrote a few weeks back - it was about me and my late friend getting stuck on a mountain at night which I fictionalized and had a bit of fun with.
Any feedback is good - sometimes I feel like I can get a little wordy with my prose at times. Also, a weakness I have would be tone - consistent tone throughout is something I always look for on re-writes. With this story, it's suppose to feel spooky and dark so hopefully you get that feeling through the story!
Happy Monday morning, fellow Fictionistas! On Friday, I posted this latest installment of my fantasy anthology series. It was quite laborious to write and, as a result, I'm not 100% sure I'm happy with how it turned out. If anyone would like to read the story, and leave their thoughts in the comments, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm specifically curious to see if anyone else feels the story is rushed and incomplete.
Hi Kim. I read these three episodes, and I like the premise for the story, the short word count and how you are building the characters. I'm intruiged to see where the story goes - I'll read a few more.
One thing that would be useful as a reader is numbering the Harold and Sallie episodes (or create an index page) so the reader can find them all easily, and in the right order.
All warfare is based on deception, like the theater.
Evoking his late father’s words, Cato Duilius Claudius assumes the alias, Moon Xeator, and vows to have his vengeance. In the upcoming years, he plots to restore the dual consulship, his father’s legacy, by bringing down the Praetor Maximus and the Triumvirate that slaughtered his family when he was a child. Aware that nothing would crush a man as much as the chink in his own armor, he sows suspicions among his foes and lures them into overreaching. He games the power structure in which all participants are corruptible. Those he keeps around, he taps into their fears, hates, and wants for his own benefit. He turns his friends into pawns, as does his life a board of chess.
But the game he plays cuts both ways. His vengeance also brings home the bitterest misery, which is to know so much and still have control over so little. To reach his destination, he trades in everything he holds dear, and when he finally gets there, what will he possibly find when nothing can ease the pain of his losses?
Gods’ Gaze is a revenge fantasy of multiple POVs for readers who despise fantasy. It does not stoop to supernatural tricks but relies on authentic stratagems of twists and turns, and no one gets to Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo out of trouble. Set in fictional Rome (Renania), the story means to poke at how little we have changed as a species despite all the changes. Examining power structure and the reality of human nature, it also impugns (between the lines) today’s idealisms that magnify and romanticize our humanity.
I want to know in particular whether the prologue has piqued your interest. But all feedback is sincerely appreciated. Many thanks.
If anyone could take a look and let me know what you think, that would be amazing. I'm interested in what it makes you feel, how you relate to the characters and situations - or anything else you'd like to comment on.
Here's a link to my story "The Ratline"
https://hamishkavanagh.substack.com/p/the-ratline-a-short-story
It's a quisi-supernatural story about a boy stumbling into Nazi limbo while walking his dog.
I'm looking for feedback on the ending, have I layered on the action a bit too much? Does the pay off feel satisfying. Also overall, did you like the story?
All feedback is appreciated. Thanks, in advance.
Some nice turns of phrase here and a good blend of horror and comedy.
Hi all, I'd like to share a link to a sci-fi story I'm serialising called 'dydx.' It's a story set in a future that is not so distant as to be unrelatable or so close as to be unfeasible. It deals with themes around time, identity, faith and free will.
https://open.substack.com/pub/cauf/p/dydx-chapter-i-anodyne?r=1ov3gf&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
I'm 3 chapters in and the plan is for 14 chapters. I'd greatly appreciate any feedback or comments you can share. Feedback by email (caufskiviers@gmail.com) is also very welcome! Thanks.
This sounds up my alley. More than happy to offer feedback
Thanks, I look forward to it!
https://open.substack.com/pub/vuphan/p/vietnams-creation-myth-kinh-duong?r=2r7yk8&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Here's the newest episode to my series. Any kind of criticism is appreciated. Please tear me down so I can pick up the pieces, I love jigsaw puzzles.
I'm serializing my latest novel, "Imagine My Surprise!" It's well edited by now, but I'm still looking for ways to slim it down as it's pushing the dreaded (from a publisher's POV) 100K word mark. I've only serialized it through chapter 10 as of now (62 pages in). It's about a murdered criminal reincarnated fully conscious into a baby raised by a hapless millennial couple. My editor describes it as "Look Who's Talking" meets "Pulp Fiction". Enjoy!
https://kshaddock.substack.com/
A link to my fantasy short, Flower Crown. This is slowly growing into a whole world...
https://open.substack.com/pub/forkbeardjon/p/flower-crown?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=1jvzm2
What exactly do you want feedback on? I liked that you didn't give in to the urge to clearly explain things, helped maintain the tone and feeling.
Good point. I think really if it makes you want to read more about this setting. Does it seem believable, and does it seem different enough from the standard generic fantasy world?
I am intrigued by the character who appears to be some sort of body snatcher, I would read more about them. The story is a little too small scale to make me interested in the wider setting with different characters, not sure I'd be able to recognize it. The focus on bargains keeps it from being bland, feels focused on that element instead of placing in 'obligatory' fantasy elements.
Nothing pulled me out of the story or disturbed my suspension of disbelief.
Thank you
Hello all. Here's a link to an excerpt from a wip called Scalewings. It's probably fantasy. I call it magic realism. It's part of a sequence about The Green Boy which makes up a story within a story in a much longer novel. A Splendid Breakfast is part of the framing of the story. There are other parts linked. They're in drafts because I'm not in the mood for hitting publish but I'd be glad of some criticism, or comment, on as many pieces as you can bring yourself to read.
A Splendid Breakfast
https://nibbins.substack.com/p/03b70811-00b7-43be-81eb-115653b06ab2
Here's a link to the first chapter of a short-novel I'm working on; https://open.substack.com/pub/canadianculturecorner/p/chapter-i-the-storm-of-storms?r=qb3f8&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Could really use the help with the proof-reading to make sure the grammar is right, and to see what people think of the story. Also will check other stories in the list starting tmw (it's late where I am).
This is very cool! Here's a short story I wrote a few weeks back - it was about me and my late friend getting stuck on a mountain at night which I fictionalized and had a bit of fun with.
Any feedback is good - sometimes I feel like I can get a little wordy with my prose at times. Also, a weakness I have would be tone - consistent tone throughout is something I always look for on re-writes. With this story, it's suppose to feel spooky and dark so hopefully you get that feeling through the story!
Either way, hope you enjoy!
https://open.substack.com/pub/benmonaco/p/stuck-on-saddleback?r=fvyxf&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Happy Monday morning, fellow Fictionistas! On Friday, I posted this latest installment of my fantasy anthology series. It was quite laborious to write and, as a result, I'm not 100% sure I'm happy with how it turned out. If anyone would like to read the story, and leave their thoughts in the comments, I would greatly appreciate it. I'm specifically curious to see if anyone else feels the story is rushed and incomplete.
https://open.substack.com/pub/joshtatter/p/the-lion-of-sparos?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android&r=25u9ow
Hi! I'd love some feedback on any of my Harold and Sallie stories.
(Harold is a woodsman who frees Sallie, a fairy from a tree. I'm writing about their adventures and how they get along and adjust to being room mates)
https://kimhayes.substack.com/p/harold-and-sallie
https://kimhayes.substack.com/p/ghosts-in-the-machine
https://kimhayes.substack.com/p/the-wedding-picture
Hi Kim. I read these three episodes, and I like the premise for the story, the short word count and how you are building the characters. I'm intruiged to see where the story goes - I'll read a few more.
One thing that would be useful as a reader is numbering the Harold and Sallie episodes (or create an index page) so the reader can find them all easily, and in the right order.
That's on my "Substack housekeeping to do " list. 😄
Here is a link to the prologue of my historical revenge fantasy, Gods' Gaze.
https://godsgaze.substack.com/p/prologue
All warfare is based on deception, like the theater.
Evoking his late father’s words, Cato Duilius Claudius assumes the alias, Moon Xeator, and vows to have his vengeance. In the upcoming years, he plots to restore the dual consulship, his father’s legacy, by bringing down the Praetor Maximus and the Triumvirate that slaughtered his family when he was a child. Aware that nothing would crush a man as much as the chink in his own armor, he sows suspicions among his foes and lures them into overreaching. He games the power structure in which all participants are corruptible. Those he keeps around, he taps into their fears, hates, and wants for his own benefit. He turns his friends into pawns, as does his life a board of chess.
But the game he plays cuts both ways. His vengeance also brings home the bitterest misery, which is to know so much and still have control over so little. To reach his destination, he trades in everything he holds dear, and when he finally gets there, what will he possibly find when nothing can ease the pain of his losses?
Gods’ Gaze is a revenge fantasy of multiple POVs for readers who despise fantasy. It does not stoop to supernatural tricks but relies on authentic stratagems of twists and turns, and no one gets to Bibbidi-Bobbidi-Boo out of trouble. Set in fictional Rome (Renania), the story means to poke at how little we have changed as a species despite all the changes. Examining power structure and the reality of human nature, it also impugns (between the lines) today’s idealisms that magnify and romanticize our humanity.
I want to know in particular whether the prologue has piqued your interest. But all feedback is sincerely appreciated. Many thanks.
Here's the first chapter of a novel that I'm working on -
https://awright.substack.com/p/the-mutual
It's about mid-life friendships and the difficulties of maintaining them, especially when you suspect your friends of being murderers.
Any feedback is greatly appreciated!
Hi everyone,
I'm serialising my mind-bending sci-fi/drama Nostalgia - https://drewhollis.substack.com/p/nostalgia-chapter-1
If anyone could take a look and let me know what you think, that would be amazing. I'm interested in what it makes you feel, how you relate to the characters and situations - or anything else you'd like to comment on.
Thanks in advance!