I only read through the first chapter of your book but I do see that you have other chapter's published. My apologies as I only had time for one.
The first thing that struck me was that your story isn't afraid to be funny. I think a lot of authors shy away from comedy because it's hard to write. However, you were successful at time in my opinion, i.e.:
"Wrestling bodies strayed in front of me that I tried my best to circumnavigate, no easy feat when your head is spinning.
'Scuse me. Sorry, Pardon me' I said, channelling my motherās english politeness."
I actually chuckled a little imaging the scene. Well done.
A critique I had was your dialogue felt stilted. One instant in a conversation between Hagen and Cora I felt encapsulated it:
āWhen did this happen?ā
āAbout 15 minutes ago. Iām not getting a response from herā
**exposition**
āUghā She said, exasperated. āItās not even establishing a connection.ā
āSo what do you want to do?ā I asked.
āWe need to find Del.ā
Conversations between characters, in my opinion, should be dynamic. Even in the simplest of exchanges. When characters answer questions directly it feels lackluster. A piece of wrong advice I found among amateur writers is that dialogue should resemble real life conversations. No. They should sound like it enough to convince the readers but be just off enough to keep the reader engaged. Also, I think using onomatopoeia's should be avoided in both dialogue and exposition, you had that few times in both ("Ugh" for example)
A possible revision for this would look something like:
āWhen did this happen?ā
āCouldn't say, it's been some time and Iām not getting a responseā
**exposition**
She groaned. āItās not even establishing a connection.ā
āSo what do you want to do?ā I asked.
āFind Delā
This feels a lot smoother and sounds closer to real dialogue without being dull.
Overall, I think it's a solid rough draft that was engaging. There were several moments I felt immersed in the story and felt what the characters felt, both physically and emotionally (especially the opening fight scene. You really have the whole spine tingling thing right). I almost never give critiques on story because I feel it's not my place as the reader (plus I'm no editor). If you have any other questions on my thoughts of this chapter feel free to reach out.
I think you could slice that down to an even slimmer version (sliding the exposition before or after the exchange, so that the conversation can keep its flow):
āWhen did this happen?ā
āIām not even getting a response,ā she groaned.
āWhat do you want to do?ā
āWe need to find Del.ā
I can't remember who said it (George Saunders, maybe?) but to make conversation sound like actual people talking, you should limit how often your characters directly answer a question. Turns out that's not how people talk, and indirect answers will let you move the plot along faster, pulling your reader in.
I'm actually in total agreement with you there Brennan. I thought of moving the exposition as well because I'd do the same, but I feel like I'd be micromanaging someone else's work too much. The essence of a story definitely lies with the hand that's written it (with their editor, of course). Even if the proposed revisions are correct (in our theory), sometimes it takes the shape of someone else's writing.
Good point, M. M. No attempt to micromanage you, Ross! These are just suggestions, something to consider as you're trying to find the version of the story that's most satisfying for you.
Thank you so much both of you, this is all great advice. I've always struggled a bit with writing dialogue so these points are super helpful for me going forward.
I'm currently looking for feedback on my short story The Swordsmen. Specifically I'd like to know if the mythic vibe came through and get opinions on the final conversation. Also have a third question that I feel will get the most genuine result if asked after someone already reads it, so expect that as a follow up question. Feedback can be left on either this comment or the piece itself.
The mythic vibe definitely came through. It definitely felt like an old Arthurian tale being recounted. WIth regard to the final conversation I feel like it definitely plays into the mythical structure you have going for you. In another paradigm it might seem kitchy but here definitely it plays.
I'd like some feedback on this piece; I was thinking along the lines of Brian Reindel's post about what Frank Herbert thought about superheroes re: Dune, and I don't know if that came through. I usually aim for comic, not serious, so it's a bit off the norm. Feedback can be left here or on the post itself. Thanks!
I like this premise. What if you leaned into the deadpan military nature of the narrator a bit more? You could format it more formally, like the example below. And it might be funny for them to describe such wild happenings in very factual language. What do you think?
Feel free to look at my short story. The feedback I'm looking for is on my prose. The story itself usually comes second behind that for me, but if you have critiques of that as well I'm more than happy to hear it. Thanks!
Very sorrowful tone, not my usual preference. You did a good job of establishing mood with the prose. I noticed that dialogue never had any periods at the end, is that intentional? Felt off to me.
"Somewhere in that black void lay the grotesque homunculi who are as imaginative as fairy dust but as present as matter itself and in that schizophrenic existence they whisper their fearful and sorrowful ballads to him." I think the whole final scene is impactful, but the sentence feels like a run on. I'd advise a change along the lines of a comma before the 'and.' Something about the language also feels almost too fanciful.
And for a side note, I appreciate all the feedback you've left for others on this thread.
Jul 19, 2023Ā·edited Jul 19, 2023Liked by William F. Edwards
I see, thatās a really great catch on the dialogue. I was, in fact, avoiding punctuation intentionally in my dialogue where I could and was wondering if readers would catch that and, if so, would it be jarring for them. Your feedback makes it clear itās something which may need some tweaking. I appreciate you pointing it out!
You make another keen observation with the run-on sentence. As you may tell, prose and style are very important to my writing. As such, Iāve opted into using the polysyndetic style which suggests to use conjunctions (mainly āandā, sometimes āorā as well) rather than commas whenever possible. It was a style popularized by Hemingway and taken a step further by Cormac McCarthy, whose my writing inspiration. Itās a tricky style though, as it does sometimes leave the reader feeling exhausted when the sentence goes for a long time. Sometimes, a comma (or period) is just whatās needed to remedy that as you suggested. Thanks for that as well!
I love talking with the other writers. Itās hard to figure out writing out on your own and some feedback can be invaluable just as yours was to my story. Itās the first time Iāve actually received any feedback outside my closest friends and family. Iām greatly appreciative of you!
I hope we can stay in touch moving forward and I look forward to reading your next piece.
I'm glad to hear that, and looking forward to what you do next as well.
For the feedback, if it can be explained as part of your style then I feel that's reason enough to keep a contested element, no style works for every reader. I might be influenced by people more invested in hard grammar rules than what works for you.
I would like some feedback on this story! Trying to figure out how to delay the twist long enough until the end without making it too predictable. Thanks.
I really loved this piece. The dialogue was quick and engaging. The voices felt distinct. The idea of capturing like ghost plasma in photographs is unique. For a piece with hardly any prose, it was still incredibly easy to see it all in my imagination.
You ranged from comedy to drama with such ease. The bit with the doctor and Billy when he first hopped in the car made me laugh out loud. Really well done all around.
I'd say my only critique would be the dialogue tags. You did such a great job making the voices distinct that there wasn't much need for so many. I knew who was speaking even without them which is an impressive feat itself. Also, I hardly think you need so many diverse dialogue tags. Using the word "said" encompasses a lot. Using laughed, began, grumbled and the like devalues the quality of this well-written dialogue so much because it feels as if you wrote them just to add diversity. A rule-of-thumb I follow is to only use other dialogue tags when you mean to be very specific in the manner that the character talks (whispered, shouted). Even with that in mind, those should be used sparingly.
I know it sounds nit picky, but it's a really easy way to improve what is already a great short story.
As for the twist, it was handled fine. I think a little more build up will make it more impactful, but overall I liked it. I look forward to reading more from you!
Thank you for reading! I agree that the dialogue tags are overdone. I read it through again and noticed it, just as you said. Great advice. I think a little more build up will make it more impactful too. Might take this and make it a little longer in the future.
Thank you again. Great comments. Very, very helpful.
Mostly curious in how it works as a first chapter; is it engaging, does it leave you wanting more? Also any general style/character/dialogue tips and constructive criticisms welcome, thanks! Feedback can go on the post or under this comment!
Not sure if Chapter 0 is the first chapter of your book but I did read it. Very cool idea. I was immediately taken in by the Marilyn Monroe hook. It's so simple and polished. I'd say this chapter was more than an engaging entry, it left me wanting more. I'm definitely reading more when I have the time.
Your style is great. I'm usually not into a first person POV as it often promotes worse writing than third person does (except for third person limited, essentially the same as first person), but yours is splendidly written. There was one line at the beginning of the chapter I was really blown away by:
"My driver pulled up to the restaurant and opened her door. A gust of wind lifted her skirt as she stepped out, and she struck that iconic pose I first saw in some history book when I was a teenager"
A lot of other writers would try to describe the pose, but you left it up to me and I always appreciate a writer who trusts my imagination. I know the exact pose you're talking about, I suppose it's a famous photo for a reason.
Your main character fascinates me. I suppose he's some sort of masochist who gets his kicks in this strange way through AI technology. It's a great beginning to a character with a ton of potential for development, especially with the world you're trying to build.
The ending of the chapter had me wanting more. I immediately clicked the 'Next Chapter' button before I realized I should write this first. That line about god I'd like to quote, but I think someone else should have the pleasure of reading it in your post.
I have only one critique and it may even just be a stylistic choice. There are times that your dialogue is embedded in your prose rather than it being its own line. You do the latter so it's not a ubiquitous thing in the story, but there are bits of dialogue that I thought should stand on its own as to prevent cluttering in your prose. It also has the promise of making dialogue more impactful. I think there are times when embedding it is perfectly fine, usually when it's a small piece of dialogue. However, there are larger pieces and sometimes exchanges that are embedded and I believe they might be better suited in their own line.
That's it though, very small and could even just be written up as a preference of mine. Loved the story and I can't wait to read more!
Thanks for writing such an in-depth response, it made me so happy to read, and I hope you like the rest of the story! Also yup Chapter 0 is the first chapter, it's a nod to many programming languages which start their counts at 0.
I see your point about enmeshing dialogue and prose, especially in the paragraph about salads and steak knives. I'll tighten that up shortly.
The story was really interesting. I did enjoy the imagery of the character jumping out of a dumpster as an opening move.
I wonder, though, if the ending might have benefitted from the protagonist being a little more skeptical or dismissive of the app until she sardonically took a picture of the boy.
Along with that I find it interesting that if the boy just took a selfie, which would be very unintuitive to how the app theoretically functions, he would actually find his grandfather. I wonder, therefore, if perhaps his desire to not be photographed or a reluctance to look at himself, in some way, might have also been an element of his character.
Jul 17, 2023Ā·edited Jul 17, 2023Liked by William F. Edwards
Hi, everyone.
This is the third installment of [REDACTED], an ongoing serial about an underground research station told as a series of audio logs. A group of scientists, administrators and staff examine a collection of organic samples recovered from the Russian tundra.: https://ethanrodgers.substack.com/p/19871107-19871109
I read the first installment since Iām new to your story. Here are my notes:
I love this! Very well written, intriguing characters with unique voices. I like the format a lot and you do a good job of connecting the characters between them and revealing their relationships gradually with every new audio entry.
Thereās also a lot of mystery surrounding the project and the secret of Andrew Hatch.
Very well executed. It reminds me of a fiction podcast that I like a lot, Limetown. Your story would make for a fantastic fiction podcast.
I'm serializing a novel that is almost 140k words long. Linked is the intro. My style is sick and sweet, spastic yet sexy. It's a mind bender, no doubt, but it's not fantasy, science fiction, magic or thriller. I have a warped sense of humour, but I won't label it transgressive. You won't feel all these yet in the intro; so if this is your genre, is it engaging enough to make you want to turn the page to the following chapter. Thanks.
Iām looking for feedback on my short story, Heartbreak in Tennessee. I think Iām insecure about this one because it comes close to some of my own experiences. Is it okay to have an ending that asks questions? Feedback can be left in a reply to this comment. Thanks.
It hasnāt been published, so I used the link from the preview. Try this and hold it instead of clicking it. I can also send it to you in an email if you still canāt it.
Hi all - I'm not a paid subscriber to Fictionistas but I'm hoping that I'm allowed to out this up here. Any comments greatly appreciated. This is a small part of a much bigger project
Or if you have Kindle Unlimited and donāt mind downloading the published copy there, I would greatly appreciate any honest reviews. https://a.co/d/5TXIb00 (please, do not purchase the Kindle version unless you absolutely want to. The Substack version is the same story for free!)
Iām asking for feedback because what little feedback I received when it was first published was mostly from friends and family. Thank you so much to anyone who is willing!!!
Hi. I just came from a Fictionistas meeting that pointed me in your direction. I'd love to start a regular workshopping group. I probably couldn't start until October (because of the upcoming Jewish holidays), but if you're interested in working with me or pointing me in the direction of others, that would be wonderful! Thank you!
Some people have started up a more formal fiction workshop that meets monthly I believe. And this is a good reminder to schedule another one of these threads. https://fictionworkshop.substack.com/
Hey Iād love some feedback!
https://open.substack.com/pub/rossbingham/p/chapter-1?r=1p7ec4&utm_medium=ios&utm_campaign=post
Send to rdbing13@gmail.com
Happy to provide feedback too š
Hi Ross,
I only read through the first chapter of your book but I do see that you have other chapter's published. My apologies as I only had time for one.
The first thing that struck me was that your story isn't afraid to be funny. I think a lot of authors shy away from comedy because it's hard to write. However, you were successful at time in my opinion, i.e.:
"Wrestling bodies strayed in front of me that I tried my best to circumnavigate, no easy feat when your head is spinning.
'Scuse me. Sorry, Pardon me' I said, channelling my motherās english politeness."
I actually chuckled a little imaging the scene. Well done.
A critique I had was your dialogue felt stilted. One instant in a conversation between Hagen and Cora I felt encapsulated it:
āWhen did this happen?ā
āAbout 15 minutes ago. Iām not getting a response from herā
**exposition**
āUghā She said, exasperated. āItās not even establishing a connection.ā
āSo what do you want to do?ā I asked.
āWe need to find Del.ā
Conversations between characters, in my opinion, should be dynamic. Even in the simplest of exchanges. When characters answer questions directly it feels lackluster. A piece of wrong advice I found among amateur writers is that dialogue should resemble real life conversations. No. They should sound like it enough to convince the readers but be just off enough to keep the reader engaged. Also, I think using onomatopoeia's should be avoided in both dialogue and exposition, you had that few times in both ("Ugh" for example)
A possible revision for this would look something like:
āWhen did this happen?ā
āCouldn't say, it's been some time and Iām not getting a responseā
**exposition**
She groaned. āItās not even establishing a connection.ā
āSo what do you want to do?ā I asked.
āFind Delā
This feels a lot smoother and sounds closer to real dialogue without being dull.
Overall, I think it's a solid rough draft that was engaging. There were several moments I felt immersed in the story and felt what the characters felt, both physically and emotionally (especially the opening fight scene. You really have the whole spine tingling thing right). I almost never give critiques on story because I feel it's not my place as the reader (plus I'm no editor). If you have any other questions on my thoughts of this chapter feel free to reach out.
Thanks and keep on writing, brother.
I think you could slice that down to an even slimmer version (sliding the exposition before or after the exchange, so that the conversation can keep its flow):
āWhen did this happen?ā
āIām not even getting a response,ā she groaned.
āWhat do you want to do?ā
āWe need to find Del.ā
I can't remember who said it (George Saunders, maybe?) but to make conversation sound like actual people talking, you should limit how often your characters directly answer a question. Turns out that's not how people talk, and indirect answers will let you move the plot along faster, pulling your reader in.
I'm actually in total agreement with you there Brennan. I thought of moving the exposition as well because I'd do the same, but I feel like I'd be micromanaging someone else's work too much. The essence of a story definitely lies with the hand that's written it (with their editor, of course). Even if the proposed revisions are correct (in our theory), sometimes it takes the shape of someone else's writing.
Good point, M. M. No attempt to micromanage you, Ross! These are just suggestions, something to consider as you're trying to find the version of the story that's most satisfying for you.
Thank you so much both of you, this is all great advice. I've always struggled a bit with writing dialogue so these points are super helpful for me going forward.
I'll definitely take your suggestions on board.
I appreciate your time and wisdom!
Ross, I left some feedback below other feedback, want to do what I can so you find it.
Take care--ET
I'm currently looking for feedback on my short story The Swordsmen. Specifically I'd like to know if the mythic vibe came through and get opinions on the final conversation. Also have a third question that I feel will get the most genuine result if asked after someone already reads it, so expect that as a follow up question. Feedback can be left on either this comment or the piece itself.
https://warthogreport.substack.com/p/the-swordsmen
The mythic vibe definitely came through. It definitely felt like an old Arthurian tale being recounted. WIth regard to the final conversation I feel like it definitely plays into the mythical structure you have going for you. In another paradigm it might seem kitchy but here definitely it plays.
Overall, it was a vibe!
Thank you!
https://indianamichael.substack.com/p/end-of-report
I'd like some feedback on this piece; I was thinking along the lines of Brian Reindel's post about what Frank Herbert thought about superheroes re: Dune, and I don't know if that came through. I usually aim for comic, not serious, so it's a bit off the norm. Feedback can be left here or on the post itself. Thanks!
I like this premise. What if you leaned into the deadpan military nature of the narrator a bit more? You could format it more formally, like the example below. And it might be funny for them to describe such wild happenings in very factual language. What do you think?
https://www.google.com/search?q=military+letter+format&oq=military+letter+form&aqs=chrome.0.0i512j69i57j0i22i30l8.3330j0j7&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8#vhid=Nks7Jcvwqnlt5M&vssid=l
Oooh, I like that! A deadpan snarker guardian angel. Perfect. Thanks!
Hi all,
Feel free to look at my short story. The feedback I'm looking for is on my prose. The story itself usually comes second behind that for me, but if you have critiques of that as well I'm more than happy to hear it. Thanks!
https://open.substack.com/pub/mmjude/p/people-come-and-go?r=1gm3iq&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Very sorrowful tone, not my usual preference. You did a good job of establishing mood with the prose. I noticed that dialogue never had any periods at the end, is that intentional? Felt off to me.
"Somewhere in that black void lay the grotesque homunculi who are as imaginative as fairy dust but as present as matter itself and in that schizophrenic existence they whisper their fearful and sorrowful ballads to him." I think the whole final scene is impactful, but the sentence feels like a run on. I'd advise a change along the lines of a comma before the 'and.' Something about the language also feels almost too fanciful.
And for a side note, I appreciate all the feedback you've left for others on this thread.
I see, thatās a really great catch on the dialogue. I was, in fact, avoiding punctuation intentionally in my dialogue where I could and was wondering if readers would catch that and, if so, would it be jarring for them. Your feedback makes it clear itās something which may need some tweaking. I appreciate you pointing it out!
You make another keen observation with the run-on sentence. As you may tell, prose and style are very important to my writing. As such, Iāve opted into using the polysyndetic style which suggests to use conjunctions (mainly āandā, sometimes āorā as well) rather than commas whenever possible. It was a style popularized by Hemingway and taken a step further by Cormac McCarthy, whose my writing inspiration. Itās a tricky style though, as it does sometimes leave the reader feeling exhausted when the sentence goes for a long time. Sometimes, a comma (or period) is just whatās needed to remedy that as you suggested. Thanks for that as well!
I love talking with the other writers. Itās hard to figure out writing out on your own and some feedback can be invaluable just as yours was to my story. Itās the first time Iāve actually received any feedback outside my closest friends and family. Iām greatly appreciative of you!
I hope we can stay in touch moving forward and I look forward to reading your next piece.
I'm glad to hear that, and looking forward to what you do next as well.
For the feedback, if it can be explained as part of your style then I feel that's reason enough to keep a contested element, no style works for every reader. I might be influenced by people more invested in hard grammar rules than what works for you.
I would like some feedback on this story! Trying to figure out how to delay the twist long enough until the end without making it too predictable. Thanks.
https://apward.substack.com/p/invisible-light
Send to apwardwriting@gmail.com
Hey Andrew,
I really loved this piece. The dialogue was quick and engaging. The voices felt distinct. The idea of capturing like ghost plasma in photographs is unique. For a piece with hardly any prose, it was still incredibly easy to see it all in my imagination.
You ranged from comedy to drama with such ease. The bit with the doctor and Billy when he first hopped in the car made me laugh out loud. Really well done all around.
I'd say my only critique would be the dialogue tags. You did such a great job making the voices distinct that there wasn't much need for so many. I knew who was speaking even without them which is an impressive feat itself. Also, I hardly think you need so many diverse dialogue tags. Using the word "said" encompasses a lot. Using laughed, began, grumbled and the like devalues the quality of this well-written dialogue so much because it feels as if you wrote them just to add diversity. A rule-of-thumb I follow is to only use other dialogue tags when you mean to be very specific in the manner that the character talks (whispered, shouted). Even with that in mind, those should be used sparingly.
I know it sounds nit picky, but it's a really easy way to improve what is already a great short story.
As for the twist, it was handled fine. I think a little more build up will make it more impactful, but overall I liked it. I look forward to reading more from you!
Thank you for reading! I agree that the dialogue tags are overdone. I read it through again and noticed it, just as you said. Great advice. I think a little more build up will make it more impactful too. Might take this and make it a little longer in the future.
Thank you again. Great comments. Very, very helpful.
Hey all, I'd love some feedback on the first chapter of my ongoing serial novel, Heaven 2.0. It covers the problem of evil, power, and AI.
https://whogetswhatgetswhy.substack.com/p/dating-advice
Mostly curious in how it works as a first chapter; is it engaging, does it leave you wanting more? Also any general style/character/dialogue tips and constructive criticisms welcome, thanks! Feedback can go on the post or under this comment!
Not sure if Chapter 0 is the first chapter of your book but I did read it. Very cool idea. I was immediately taken in by the Marilyn Monroe hook. It's so simple and polished. I'd say this chapter was more than an engaging entry, it left me wanting more. I'm definitely reading more when I have the time.
Your style is great. I'm usually not into a first person POV as it often promotes worse writing than third person does (except for third person limited, essentially the same as first person), but yours is splendidly written. There was one line at the beginning of the chapter I was really blown away by:
"My driver pulled up to the restaurant and opened her door. A gust of wind lifted her skirt as she stepped out, and she struck that iconic pose I first saw in some history book when I was a teenager"
A lot of other writers would try to describe the pose, but you left it up to me and I always appreciate a writer who trusts my imagination. I know the exact pose you're talking about, I suppose it's a famous photo for a reason.
Your main character fascinates me. I suppose he's some sort of masochist who gets his kicks in this strange way through AI technology. It's a great beginning to a character with a ton of potential for development, especially with the world you're trying to build.
The ending of the chapter had me wanting more. I immediately clicked the 'Next Chapter' button before I realized I should write this first. That line about god I'd like to quote, but I think someone else should have the pleasure of reading it in your post.
I have only one critique and it may even just be a stylistic choice. There are times that your dialogue is embedded in your prose rather than it being its own line. You do the latter so it's not a ubiquitous thing in the story, but there are bits of dialogue that I thought should stand on its own as to prevent cluttering in your prose. It also has the promise of making dialogue more impactful. I think there are times when embedding it is perfectly fine, usually when it's a small piece of dialogue. However, there are larger pieces and sometimes exchanges that are embedded and I believe they might be better suited in their own line.
That's it though, very small and could even just be written up as a preference of mine. Loved the story and I can't wait to read more!
Thanks for writing such an in-depth response, it made me so happy to read, and I hope you like the rest of the story! Also yup Chapter 0 is the first chapter, it's a nod to many programming languages which start their counts at 0.
I see your point about enmeshing dialogue and prose, especially in the paragraph about salads and steak knives. I'll tighten that up shortly.
I'd love feedback on the flash fiction I wrote with July's prompt
https://reinacruzwrites.substack.com/p/ghost-hunting?sd=pf
I like it. It's got an anime feel.
Thank you so much!
The story was really interesting. I did enjoy the imagery of the character jumping out of a dumpster as an opening move.
I wonder, though, if the ending might have benefitted from the protagonist being a little more skeptical or dismissive of the app until she sardonically took a picture of the boy.
Along with that I find it interesting that if the boy just took a selfie, which would be very unintuitive to how the app theoretically functions, he would actually find his grandfather. I wonder, therefore, if perhaps his desire to not be photographed or a reluctance to look at himself, in some way, might have also been an element of his character.
These are just stray thoughts, though.
The story was really good!
Two great suggestions! I'll have to play with these ideas with revisions. Thank you
Hi, everyone.
This is the third installment of [REDACTED], an ongoing serial about an underground research station told as a series of audio logs. A group of scientists, administrators and staff examine a collection of organic samples recovered from the Russian tundra.: https://ethanrodgers.substack.com/p/19871107-19871109
Any feedback would be appreciated.
I read the first installment since Iām new to your story. Here are my notes:
I love this! Very well written, intriguing characters with unique voices. I like the format a lot and you do a good job of connecting the characters between them and revealing their relationships gradually with every new audio entry.
Thereās also a lot of mystery surrounding the project and the secret of Andrew Hatch.
Very well executed. It reminds me of a fiction podcast that I like a lot, Limetown. Your story would make for a fantastic fiction podcast.
Hi, Claudia.
Thank you so much for reading and your comments. I'm really glad someone enjoyed it.
Youāre welcome! Iām looking forward to reading the rest. Does the story only have 3 episodes? Or do you plan more?
Only three so far, but definitely more to come. I'm planning around 12 episodes for the first season of Redacted.
It sounds great!
I'd love some feedback on any of my "Soulfire" chapters!
https://lucywinton.substack.com/?utm_source=substack&utm_medium=web&utm_campaign=substack_profile
I'm serializing a novel that is almost 140k words long. Linked is the intro. My style is sick and sweet, spastic yet sexy. It's a mind bender, no doubt, but it's not fantasy, science fiction, magic or thriller. I have a warped sense of humour, but I won't label it transgressive. You won't feel all these yet in the intro; so if this is your genre, is it engaging enough to make you want to turn the page to the following chapter. Thanks.
https://kyantan.substack.com/p/0-jimi-and-the-galactic-empire
I would really appreciate any and all feedback on "The Tulip's Song".
https://terenceharifernandes.substack.com/p/the-tulips-song
Iām looking for feedback on my short story, Heartbreak in Tennessee. I think Iām insecure about this one because it comes close to some of my own experiences. Is it okay to have an ending that asks questions? Feedback can be left in a reply to this comment. Thanks.
https://www.caroehenry.com/p/4c42ec42-574e-4a43-bd64-1494cf65c9fa
I clicked the link, but I didn't see heartbreak in Tennessee in your list of posts. Maybe I missed it?
It hasnāt been published, so I used the link from the preview. Try this and hold it instead of clicking it. I can also send it to you in an email if you still canāt it.
https://caroehenry.substack.com/p/4c42ec42-574e-4a43-bd64-1494cf65c9fa
Hi William F - I'mm a free subscriber to Fictionistas - am I allowed to put something up for feedback? Many thanks
nibbins
You don't need to be a paid subscriber to participate, I don't think there even is a paid subscription option for Fictionistas.
Hi all - I'm not a paid subscriber to Fictionistas but I'm hoping that I'm allowed to out this up here. Any comments greatly appreciated. This is a small part of a much bigger project
https://nibbins.substack.com/p/a-splendid-breakfast
I would love to receive any kind of feedback on my short story āDragonfly in Water.ā You can read the free draft on my Substack here: https://open.substack.com/pub/simplestories/p/dragonfly-in-water?r=1hgezf&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Or if you have Kindle Unlimited and donāt mind downloading the published copy there, I would greatly appreciate any honest reviews. https://a.co/d/5TXIb00 (please, do not purchase the Kindle version unless you absolutely want to. The Substack version is the same story for free!)
Iām asking for feedback because what little feedback I received when it was first published was mostly from friends and family. Thank you so much to anyone who is willing!!!
Hi. I just came from a Fictionistas meeting that pointed me in your direction. I'd love to start a regular workshopping group. I probably couldn't start until October (because of the upcoming Jewish holidays), but if you're interested in working with me or pointing me in the direction of others, that would be wonderful! Thank you!
Some people have started up a more formal fiction workshop that meets monthly I believe. And this is a good reminder to schedule another one of these threads. https://fictionworkshop.substack.com/
Ooh, thanks! I put in a request to join!